he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
