6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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