mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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