Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
