hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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