The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
