My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
