can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
