I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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