Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
