You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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