smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
