i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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