your parents love me but you hate me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
