We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize