It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
