Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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