I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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