Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
