In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
