Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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