I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
