i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
