why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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