the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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