The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
