The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
