it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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