Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
