we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
