you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
