oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
