bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
