is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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