You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
