i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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