literally had 100 drinks last night.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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