u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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