His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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