dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
