erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
