He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
