I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
