He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
