this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
