there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
