you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
