My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
