He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
