It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
