i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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