Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
