she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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