Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
